Now Playing Tracks

You Can Now Pay 99 Cents to Read 15,000 Marvel Comics Online

shorm:

I’m sure this is making the rounds already, but just to make sure everyone sees this — this is a really good trial.

So I used to be a martial artist

eyctobiolojayy:

littlewendycat:

ladypanboner:

thecolourfreedom:

textuallyaroused:

I started going to the dojo when I was in sixth grade. It was a very masculine environment; there weren’t a lot of other girls there but the male senseis who ran the place were great guys and they genuinely loved having female students because we were such a rarity.

Now back in sixth grade I was tinier even than what I am now, and now I’m only 5’2. Then I was probably even under 5’0. I mean I was a squirt of a kid. But I loved to fight; I loved to be in the ring, I loved the adrenaline rush and I loved having punches hurled at me. It was fun for me. Our dojo did full-contact sparring, which was pretty brutal. These were the only rules:

  • you must wear a mouth guard and gloves
  • no hits below the belt

That’s pretty much it.

Anyway every Thursday was Fight Night, where all we did was spar each other. And on my First Night Sensei Diven—who has since passed, bless his soul—paired me up with this really cocky and assholish brown belt to show me the ropes a little. This brown belt kid was bigger than me by a lot; he must have been at least six feet and twice my weight. But man was I excited to get into the ring! I had a fight boiling in my blood.

Now, Sensei Diven was not a stupid man and he hated high-ranking kids that showed a bad attitude. This kid had a bad attitude. So he must have seen the evil gleam in my eye from a mile away and decided it was time for a little improvisation.

Anyway, Sensei yelled, “Start!” and I leapt into fight stance and the other kid didn’t even put his hands up. He was laughing at me, sneering, the whole nine yards. “I’ll give you a free one.” he joked, and he slapped his side. “You barely weigh 100 pounds and you’re a girl. So go ahead, little girl. Hit me.”

And I hit him. I cocked my leg up as high as it would go and roundhouse kicked him right in the ribs with all of my might and all of the contempt I felt for his stupid cocky face which was covered in ugly-ass freckles and his nasty-ass braces. And I heard a crack. Like a real snap! sound. And the kid has a look of surprise on his face like it was nobody’s business, and then he goes right to the floor like a sack of potatoes.

Now, Sensei Diven leisurely strolls over from the group of black belts who are laughing their asses off at me, the tiny little white belt, sending my Goliath to the floor. I mean they’re laughing so hard they look like they’re about to pee themselves. They think it’s a game. And in his great booming voice he hollers:

“Brown Belt! Why are you on the floor? Do you not see this white belt has been assigned to fight you?”

And meanwhile he is just crying. I broke one of his ribs.

And Sensei Diven just squats down next to this poor kid and whispers, “Don’t you know that women are made of pain?”

I AM SCREAMING.

Such a badass.

oh my god best

“Don’t you know that women are made of pain?” might be one of the most powerful, accurate descriptions of women ive ever heard.

45 Things I Want to See Less of in Stories

elumish:

  1. The quiet, stoic man who is only antisocial because he is secretly gay
  2. The bisexual woman who turns out to be really actually straight
  3. The bisexual man who turns out to be really actually gay
  4. Sex solving relationships
  5. Dysfunctional relationships having no-caveat happily-ever-afters
  6. Strong women ending up being submissive to men
  7. People changing their personalities without reason
  8. People solving all of their problems the first time
  9. Relationships curing mental illnesses
  10. Ability not matching training
  11. The girl being a virgin but the guy being uber-experienced
  12. The girl having sexual experience and being shamed for it
  13. Girls having had lots of sex being seen as self-destructive while guys having had lots of sex being seen as normal
  14. People adjusting to rapid changes in their lives with no difficulty
  15. The girl fixing the broken guy (usually through sex)
  16. People having the necessary abilities without doing any work
  17. The main character being the smartest person in the room
  18. The main character being great at whatever they try
  19. The main character being able to do everything and solve every problem
  20. Magic without consequences
  21. Hidden magical societies for no reason
  22. The main character who is a reader
  23. The petty teenage girl whose only real sins are not being a reader and liking fashion
  24. The child who is “wise beyond their years”
  25. Stories that take an extended period of time with no apparent seasons
  26. Battles that don’t account for the environment
  27. Mythical creatures only being based in Christian or European mythology
  28. The only mythical creatures in East-Asian-inspired stories being dragons
  29. Everyone being cisgenered, white, and heterosexual
  30. Women needing to be saved by men
  31. Rape of a woman as a motivator for a male relative/friend/romantic or sexual partner
  32. Murder of a woman as a motivator for a male relative/friend/romantic or sexual partner
  33. Unqualified people ending up in charge of making major decisions
  34. The missing parent who is uber-powerful
  35. The dysfunctional parent
  36. The white savior
  37. The token black character
  38. The token gay character
  39. Judeo-Christian or Abrahamic morality in a non-Judeo-Christian/Abrahamic society
  40. Having cities with no poverty
  41. Continuously available clean water in non-modern/first-world country
  42. Conlangs being based on Romance languages
  43. Conlangs having excessive apostrophes
  44. Made-up biology
  45. A lack of research

astronomy-to-zoology:

Stangeia xerodes

…is a species of Plume Moth (Pterohoridae) which occurs on most of mainland Australia, the Ryukyu Islands, and Java. Adults typically fly from spring through fall, and feed mainly on nectar/pollen. Stangeia xerodes larvae feed on Cleome spp, Cajanus cajan, and Acacia spp. 

Classification

Animalia-Arthropoda-Insecta-Lepidoptera-Peterophoroidea-Peterophoridae-Oxyptilini-Stangeia-S. xerodes

Image: dhobern

crystalsoulslayer:

procyonvulpecula:

pagannerd:

proxydialogue:

anneretic:

infinity-imagined:

The collision between the Milky Way Galaxy and the Andromeda Galaxy.

the grand showdown

Andromeda is a bit bigger than us. So when that happens, Andromeda’s black hole is gonna consume our black hole in a vicious act of galactic canabalism. 

Which is an actual term used in astronomy apparently. 

“Galactic Cannabalism” sounds like an electro/death metal fusion band.

Galactic cannibalism is one of my favourite astronomical terms, but it doesn’t beat the term used for the stretching out into a long thin tube that occurs when something falls into a black hole (spaghettification) or the term used for a rock thought to be a meteorite but which later turns out to be an ordinary terrestrial rock (meteowrong).

SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE

And they look like giant Beyblades while doing it.

(Source: dewogong)

lesbeeanmovie:

greencarnations:

cinematicsymphony:

This is so accurate. At school, we literally have children who will watch our facial expressions to see if them falling is as bad as they think it might be.

CORRECT CHILD INJURY PROCEDURE:

  • do not react. at the most, maybe wince and go “ooooh”
  • go over to the child to assess panic level and severity of injury
  • if they’re like, dying, remain calm, but they’re probably not.
  • look them in the eye and ask, “you okay?” they will nod. possibly all teary-eyed. then ask, “are we gonna need to cut it off?”
  • the child is thrown off. if they giggle, you’re in the money. if they do not, put a bandaid on and do some sympathetic patting. they are probably a little teary. let the sad little bug sit out for a minute. they will quickly get bored.
  • works every time

"sad little bug" is the cutest and most accurate term ive heard used to describe a child because sometimes bugs are kinda super cute sometimes bugs are really fucking annoying and sometimes bugs are downright TERRIFYING

(Source: kaliskadyami)

To Tumblr, Love Pixel Union